


Cheeky Worms With The Lads

by DesertLily



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Episode: e039 Infestation (The Magnus Archives), I'm not sorry, Lad Banter, Tim accidentally gets high on CO2, Tim is a Top Lad, cheeky nando's, drug mention, this is so cursed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Tim's perspective of Infestation told in the style of lad banter.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	Cheeky Worms With The Lads

**Author's Note:**

> Blame the people in the TMA Big Bang server for this monstrosity.

As far as Tim was concerned, the worms were nothing new at this point. They were proper annoying but not annoying as Elias, honestly. Elias was like if you got the concept of funny, spat on it, scrunched it up, and battered it at the local chippy. Absolute disgrace. Jon could be a miserable bastard but he had his moments when he was a total ledge. Elias, however, did not. Supposedly, it all started whilst Tim was out for lunch. He had considered just going down Greggs and getting himself a steakbake but then he decided he needed a treat. So, like an absolute top lad, he headed into ‘spoons. Treated himself to a cheeky curry for lunch but didn’t have a pint. He wasn’t enough of a knobhead to drink on the job.

Feeling in as high spirits as Hugh Grant in Love Actually, he was absolutely vibing as he made his way back into the Archives. He was a top lad having a top day. Nothing could possibly go wrong. He didn’t think much to not seeing anyone. Maybe the absolute legends had also nipped out for lunch. Though, he hadn’t seen them at ‘spoons so they might have gone elsewhere. Not a cheeky Nando’s. Jon didn’t have the tastebuds to handle peri peri sauce. That was when he saw it. Oi oi! What was that! An abandoned tape recorder! ‘Don’t mind if I do’ He thought to himself as he picked it up. “Statement of Joe Spooky, regarding sinister happenings in the downtown old-”

He was cut off by a very familiar face. Sasha. There were worse people to be interrupted by. She was right lush in every single way. Beautiful, smart, and Tim might be a little bit interested in her. But he was a proper lad and respected her and her boundaries. He wasn’t an absolute wanker after all. “Tim, look out!” He absolutely was looking as she ran towards him. She was very pretty and he was very bi. “Behind you! Run!”

Tim turned to look behind him and fooking hell! He liked to think he was respectable enough not to stare, very much obeying the ‘my eyes are up here’ rule. But she was covered in more holes than a colander. Not to mention she was covered in worms wriggling around like drunk drop-outs at a club in Ibiza! Right. Shit. Yes. Running. Like an absolute mad lad, he took off running like a character in a Scooby-Doo chase montage. He got separated from Sasha but she was a top lass; she’d be fine.

That was how he ended up in the office covered in too many worms. That was not bril but what _was_ were the many cans of gas. His first thought was ‘fuck me, Jon’s doing whippets of NOS at work! What a mad lad!’. His second thought was remembering that CO2 killed the worms and that was most likely the cans’ contents. So being a total ledge, he opened every single one at once. What a lad! But now he needed to run. The worms were dead speedy and he didn’t fancy becoming a cheeky Nando’s for some worms. Then bingo bongo! He spotted it! A whole in the wall and he really didn’t have many other options. So, very much on the verge of being off his tits on CO2, he headed inside and into the tunnels. He wasn’t sure where they went but he sure was fucking excited to find out!

Shock horror; the worms were in the tunnels and the little mad lads seemed to have taken up a running hobby because they were dead fast as they wiggled after him. That was when he heard it! The voices of some absolute geezers! They were faint but he would recognise the voices of Jonathan ‘Laddy McLaderson’ Sims and Martin ‘the Ledge’ Blackwood anywhere! So he did the most obvious thing. He embraced the ghost of Vine and ‘Oh Yeah!’ed his way through the wall. “Hi, guys!”

The mad lads seemed absolutely thrown off by his appearance. But it could have been worse! He could have just been Worms. Torms? Wim? Worm!Tim! “Tim!” “Tim?!” The two seemed to air their surprise at him being alive at the same time. He wasn’t sure if to be right mad or to find it endearing. The two would be a right lush couple. Everything was a little blurry after that - he blamed the CO2 - but he vaguely remembered explaining then heading into the tunnels with Jon. Wasn’t his usual definition of a day out and neither were the Archbishop of Banterbury.

Everything was a bit blurry at that. Tim just remembered more worms then nothing. When he came to, he was significantly less stoned and riddled with holes. In all honesty, he had thought a job in the Archives would be a piece of piss. The worm holes clearly stated otherwise. Still, the mad lads had been total legends and were all still alive...Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr or check out my TMA/The Mechanisms blog lonelygears !


End file.
